Ryan's Grandma

Ryan's grandmother passed away this evening. She was 74.

She smoked nearly her whole life and in recent years, been dealing with emphysema. That with heart issues eventually led us to this summer where there was basically nothing they could do for her. Any health issue that came up was not treatable because her body would not survive a surgery or being put under anesthetic. Last week her health took a nose dive and Ryan's mother and her sisters started caring for her round the clock. The Visiting Nurses helped some, but a majority of the care came from Pam.

We've used this whole experience as a teaching example to Cole as to what smoking cigarettes can do to a person. For whatever temporary high or release smoking can give a person, will catch up to them later. Like it did for Betty. To be brutally honest, she died a slow and painful death. Her lungs lacked the capacity to breath properly, thus adding strain on her heart, causing heart issues. You're pretty much suffocating. She wished for death. She was ready to go.

Ryan seems to be handling it fine. He mentally prepared himself for this long ago. We were even discussing everything with the kids this week preparing them for the funeral home and funeral ceremony. Cole is very smart about things like this and he has loads of questions. I answer them truthfully, and plainly.

I hope for peace for Ryan's mom. She took a majority of the care of Betty and had to see daily the slow death creeping in. She was afraid to walk in the house and find her mom lying on the floor (how she found her grandmother). She wasn't sure if she could handle it. She was there with her today, with her sister.

Tomorrow they'll make the funeral arrangements and then I'll learn more about the plans.


Yesterday Ryan asked if I thought his grandma would make it to Christmas. I told him I didn't think she'll last 2 weeks. Then last night I asked Ryan if he thinks he should go visit his grandma as sort of a last goodbye. He said "I don't know, what do you think, would you" and it cut through me so quickly I couldn't answer for the tears welling up in me. I just kept thinking if I had one chance.. JUST ONE CHANCE to talk to my grandma and grandpa Schwartz again or to have had the chance to say goodbye, I would take it in a heartbeat. I miss them so terribly much.