Valentine's R.I.P.

It's been two years since my grandparents died. It doesn't seem like it's been that long. Cole was only 15 months old. I had received Valentine cards in the mail for Cole from them on the Saturday before (Valentine's day was on Monday). I had planned on calling them to thank them and I didn't get around to it because we were in the process of packing up the house/closing/moving, plus I had class that day at USI.. I planned to call Sunday or Monday. I talked to grandma on Friday and she asked about the new house. Asked how Cole was doing. They adored him. So much.

I think that's what bothers me most. They thought Cole hung the moon. He was everything to them. It completely made their day each time they saw him. I think Cole was the main reason grandma was able to pull herself around and get better when she was in the hospital the year before. We kept telling her to get better for Cole's sake, and she did. And I see now how much they're missing out on him. I see him do things or say things and know that if grandma and grandpa were here, they'd get the biggest kick out of him. And now there's Blake. whom they've never met, but would've adored just the same.

Last Sunday we had a break in the weather and it was a nice sunny day. I took the opportunity to put new flowers on their grave. I'm the only one who does that since Dad's never been back since the burial. I sat in front of their grave and told them about Cole and Blake.

I believe they can see Blake and Cole and are watching them grow up. I know they are with us in our hearts, but it's still very hard.

I was very close to them, but I still feel like I missed out on a lot of things with them. Grandpa would've loved talking to me about politics, and the town's heritage. We've talked about all these things before, but not at the capacity that I'm at now.

Valentine's Day will always be a dark day for me now. I have absolutely no enthusiasm for the holiday anymore. I got the kids some things, and cards. I'm not going to ruin their day. But it won't ever mean the same to me.